


|| say that you love me | treebros ||

by SellMyBonesForSapphireStones



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Help, Letters, M/M, Slow To Update, What am I doing, penpal au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-14
Updated: 2019-05-23
Packaged: 2019-11-17 17:52:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 1,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18103466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SellMyBonesForSapphireStones/pseuds/SellMyBonesForSapphireStones
Summary: Dear Evan Hansen,Uh, hey. I guess I'm your assigned pen pal or whatever?|| a yandere story (yes, you read that right) ||





	1. || dear evan hansen ||

Dear Evan Hansen,   
Uh, hey. I guess I'm your assigned pen pal or whatever?  
My name's Connor Murphy, and I'm eighteen. (Wow, this is dumb.) My sister calls me Marilyn Manson, fuck her, and I'm hella gay. I guess I'm 'emo' or something like that.  
well fuck.  
Talking to people over letters is even harder than real life. For all I know, you're some sort of psychopath that's gonna track me down or some shit and murder me in my sleep. But, okay. That'll put me out of my misery. So, go ahead, kill me and paint your fucking walls with my blood.  
Sincerely,   
(Not a serial killer)  
Me


	2. || dear connor murphy ||

Dear Connor Murphy,  
Hi! I bet you're not as awkward as I am.  
My name's Evan Hansen, and no, I'm not a serial killer. I don't really have a nickname, but my mom just calls me Ev. I like trees. More like...love trees? I don't know what my sexuality is yet...  
I hope you're not weirded out about how weird I am, or how annoying I can get, so sorry in advance. I talk about trees and plants a lot, so that's gonna get annoying, too.   
(I really, really like trees...)  
So, um...bye.  
Sincerely,  
(I'm not a serial killer either!)  
Me


	3. || dear evan hansen ||

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dear ev hansen,  
> that's exactly what a fucking serial killer would say.

dear ev hansen,

that's exactly what a fucking serial killer would say.  
sorry, effing. (i don't know if you're like a catholic serial killer or whatever)  
anyway, it's okay. i'm an awkward as shit druggie with no fucking friends except my cat, but that's really effing sad so no one except my shitty family.  
ahem, trashy.  
so, it's cool talking to you and whatever, but i'm lazy as shit and have no motivation to write and send fucking (eFFING SORRY) letters.  
so here's my email:  
fuckzoe420@gmail.com

sincerely,  
me

p.s, your cursive is bomb as shi  
im not gonna finish that.


	4. || dear connor murphy ||

TO: fuckzoe420@gmail.com  
FROM: ev.hansen1@gmail.com  
Date: Oct. 3  
Subject: hi!

Dear Marilyn Murphy,  
(I hope that doesn't bother you)

hey! I hope i'm not annoying you by emailing you but it's evan!  
have a nice day!

Sincerely,  
Me


	5. || INTERLUDE: lovefool ||

love me, love me  
say that you love me  
fool me, fool me  
go on and fool me  
love me, love me  
pretend that you love me  
leave me, leave me  
just say that you need me


	6. || dear evan hansen ||

TO: ev.hansen1@gmail.com  
FROM: fuckzoe420@gmail.com  
Date: Oct 3  
Subject: Re: hi!

Dear Ev Hansen,

calm the fuck down.  
you're not annoying at all, man. so just calm the fuck down and b r e a t h e  
got that?  
good. great.  
i'm not in the best of moods, so yeah. my fucking dad can go drink bleach and my mom could try to be less of a bitch.  
how are you?

Sincerely,   
Me


	7. || dear connor murphy ||

TO: fuckzoe420@gmail.com  
FROM: ev.hansen1@gmail.com  
Date: Oct 3  
Subject: Re: hi!

Dear Marilyn Murphy, sorry! I can't really 'calm down' since I have anxiety and i'm always wondering if: my hands are too sweaty, i'm talking too fast, everyone is staring at me, I have something on my shirt, etc. sorry to hear about that, too! i'm fine. anxious as ever. 

Sincerely,   
Me


	8. || dear evan hansen ||

TO: ev.hansen1@gmail.com  
FROM: fuckzoe420@gmail.com  
Date: Oct 4  
Subject: weed?

Dear Ev Hansen,

well shit.  
can't say you're alone on the mental disorder thing. i got stuck with rejection sensitive dysphoria, ADD, and bipolar. how fucking fun, am i right? i'm just a ball pf misakes and depression, aren't i?  
yippee.  
anyway, what's your opinion on weed? cauze i don't want you freaking out when i tell you that i smoke it.  
you freaking out yet?

Sincerely,  
(a big gay)  
Me


	9. || dear connor murphy ||

TO: fuckzoe420@gmail.com  
FROM: ev.hansen1@gmail.com  
Date: Oct 4  
Subject: Re: weed?

Dear Marilyn Murphy,

you sound just fine to me!  
(not that I'm saying you aren't bipolar or don't have ADD, just saying that you're most likely a nice person in real life and deserve to have friends because you're nice to me)  
i think weed is bad for people but it's totally ok if you smoke it! not saying you should stop or will, but maybe try to less if you do it a lot? maybe take deep breaths, go on walks, something like that?

Sincerely,  
Me


	10. || dear evan hansen ||

TO: ev.hansen1@gmail.com  
FROM: fuckzoe420@gmail.com  
Date: Oct 6  
Subject: Re: weed?

Dear Evan Hansen,

fucking hell, i'm sorry. my asshole parents wouldn't get off my fucking back and i feel like shit.  
sorry, can't hold back my natural instinct to sWeAr  
ugh.  
also cool, 'cuz i'm smoking right now/

Sincerely,  
Me


	11. || INTERLUDE: sunshine ||

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> with a face that resembled his mother's, timeless, ageless, and full of energy and strength. the handsome young man smiled with dignity. his gaze was fulfilling, his greeting...a homecoming. silently, i stretched my hands out towards-

_you are my sunshine_  
_my only sunshine_  
_you make me happy_  
_when skies are gray_  
_you'll never know dear_  
_how much i love you_  
_please don't take my sunshine away_

 

 

with a face that resembled his mother's, timeless, ageless, and full of energy and strength. the handsome young man smiled with dignity. his gaze was fulfilling, his greeting...a homecoming. silently, i stretched my hands out towards-


	12. || dear connor murphy ||

TO: fuckzoe420@gmail.com  
FROM: ev.hansen1@gmail.com  
Date: Oct. 6  
Subject: oh

Dear Connor Murphy,

do you want to talk about it? of course, you don't have to.we could just talk like normal people or I could just not bug you  
if you want

Sincerely,   
Me


	13. || dear evan hansen ||

TO: ev.hansen1@gmail.com  
FROM: fuckzoe420@gmail.com  
Date: Oct 6  
Subject: Re: oh

Dear Evan Hansen,

the simplest way to put it, my dear friend  
fuck my parents, fuck my school, fuck my sister, fuck my life  
especially my life  
so no, i don't want to talk about it  
and again im sorry

Sincerely,  
Me


	14. || dear connor murphy ||

TO: fuckzoe420@gmail.com  
FROM: ev.hansen1@gmail.com  
Date: Oct 6  
Subject: Re: oh

Dear Connor Murphy,

i hope everything gets better for you, connor!  
awkward and very random question because we don't know much about each other, what's your favorite book?

Sincerely,  
Me


	15. || dear evan hansen ||

TO: ev.hansen1@gmail.com  
FROM: fuckzoe420@gmail.com  
Date: Oct 6  
Subject: Re: oh

Dear Evan Hansen,

either the little prince or light filters in, which is poetry  
poetry counts, rivht?  
fucking hope it does

Sincerely,  
Me


	16. INTERLUDE: re-bye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The realms of day and night, coming from two opposite poles, mingled this-

_re-bye  
shake your hand without regrets  
re-bye  
then was then and now is now  
re-bye  
if you turn around it's   
the end  
re-bye_

The realms of day and night, coming from two opposite poles, mingled this-


	17. || dear evan hansen ||

TO: ev.hansen1@gmail.com  
FROM: fuckzoe420@gmail.com  
Date: Nov 15  
Subject: fuck

dear dvan hansen,

fuck.  
literally just fuck.  
please take my mind off stuff right now because i need it before I actyally get so high i can't tell the difference between dogs and cats.  
today was shit, so how was your day? i hope better, because that would be great. i hate my dad and my life, and fuck it all because the universe needs to get stuffed then incinerated and fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck i hate my fucking life  
so cheer me up please and thank you

sincerely,  
fucking me


	18. || xvii.||

Connor scowls a slams his laptop shut after refreshing the screen for what seemed like the thousandth time, because that's probably how many times he's refreshed his fucking email waiting for this kid to reply to his pathetic email that made him seem really, really weird and sad as a person in general and Connor could just. Not. Deal. With. That right now.

He hates pity and the way that people _look at him._

In a desperate attempt to keep himself from throwing his computer and lighting up, because he knows Cynthia will call him for dinner soon and if he doesn't come down Larry will search his room and maybe find the weed and Connor does not like that thought so he'll stop thinking, he claws at his scalp, pulling and tugging at his gross excuse for hair.

God he hates his hair, he hates _everything._

He can't focus and he won't punch the wall because he'll probably put a hole in the drywall, and then his door will be taken away again and Connor doesn't want that to happen again, so he won't punch the wall and instead he'll probably get headaches for the next week and his head will probably bleed, but that's okay because Connor doesn't care about fucking _pain_ anymore, so he won't do anything. No he won't.

Connor sucks in a long, long breath.

Evan said to try taking deep breaths, so he'll do it, only because Evan said so and Evan grounds him, and he _needs_ Evan in his life to keep himself from going crazy or throwing himself off a dumb bridge.

So he'll take Evan's advice today.

Try it out.

It won't work but he'll do it because of Evan.

Sweet and charming Evan.

No, he won't think about how Evan is cute and get his heart fucking crushed again, he doesn't need that because Connor is unlovable and why would someone so fucking amazing as Evan want to even bother with Mister School-Shooter-Murphy who smokes weed under the bleachers and probably sucks dick for meth on the weekends, which he does _not,_ thank you very much.

Evan doesn't deserve that.

Fuck.

He hasn't even met the kid and he's obsessed.

That now-familiar ding erupts from his computer, and his head shoots up. Connor looks between his closet and his laptop, before hastily opening its lid and opening his email once again.

Evan responded.


End file.
